The Distant Scene.

Five years ago this month, I had a traumatic experience happen to me. It was one that knocked me down. Hard. One that made me have to dig deeper than I knew I could. We are talking, put on the scuba gear deep.

As a similar thing has happened to a colleague today, it has brought a moment of reflection. A moment when I am grateful that I only can see one step at a time. Odd, right? Here is what I mean...



The only thing consistent in life is change.

This is something that I’ve been thinking a lot about lately and it is a truth I am grateful for. The truth is, it defies all laws of the universe for humans to remain in one spot forever. There is continual movement in the seasons and the rising and setting of the sun. Whether we like it or not we are aging, learning, growing…constantly.
I had been working earlier this year at a job that I “thought” was a perfect fit. I enjoyed the hustle and bustle of the office and I felt like I was doing a good job. But, a loving God had another plan in mind.  In March 2012, things changed. I got fired.
Yep, I said it. No need to mince words. It is what it is.

(Breathe in….breathe out…repeat) 

 I walked into work on a Friday at 8:00am and walked out at 8:15am. I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach with a steel toed army boot knocking out any ounce of self-esteem and dignity that I once possessed.  I could literally feel the blood draining from my face like someone was pouring Red Kool-Aid from a glass pitcher. I then went numb as the reality of this situation started racing through my mind. My job- Gone. My source of income-Gone. My insurance-all gone in an instant.  After I had been escorted off the premises, I called my Mom before I had driven to the next city block and  cried….a lot.

(Queue raincloud)

I had NO idea what was going to happen next. The only thing at the moment that made even a shred of sense was to make a B-Line to Lehi.  Defying all sorts of speed limit laws,  I shortly arrived in Lehi and was greeted with open arms and a pink blanket.  After a few painfully slow hours had passed by, I knew I needed to get out. I could NOT sit at home any longer curled up in the fetal position watching High School Musical as I absent-mindedly ate endless amounts of chocolate.  I needed to be around people who were laughing and playing games. Even though I felt like my insides were going to implode, I was desperate for a healthy distraction and Zac Efron was just not going to cut it.

(Leave pink blanket on couch; exit stage left)

I kidnapped my roommate and we made haste to Bear Lake. Bless dear Hattie Hope for coming with me and for enduring me emotionally throwing up all over her. She is so great like that. We got to the cabin a few hours later and I felt like I was wearing a huge sign on my forehead that said, “Fragile. Handle with Care.”  Nonetheless, I met some nice people and the fact that I listened to them giggle until 3am was the healthy distraction I needed.

 (Scene fades out to exterior of cabin; soft spotlight hits Lighthouse above garage)

The next morning, still numb, I went outside for some fresh air and I looked out at Bear Lake and offered up a silent prayer. “God, I have no idea what you just did with my life. I need some inspiration right now and I am sooo listening.” Then, I considered the lake that was before me. It was cold. The water was harsh. It was in a state that one would not want to be consumed in it without having a sick obsession with hypothermia. But….the water was moving along. It was being moved by an unseen force. Be it a mighty wind or the hand of God…didn’t matter. It was moving. Then the epiphany struck. My life is cold, choppy and something that I don’t want to be in…but it’s moving along. I knew that there was change happening. Movement. Purpose. Funny how one simple vista can bring clarity and peace at the very moment that you want to crawl inside a hole and die.

(Introspective looks toward lake; hair blowing freely in the wind)

Easter weekend came around and I found myself ill and in need of a Priesthood blessing. As my dear brother John laid his hands on my head and spoke words of healing, he said something that I have hung on to. He said, “The Lord is anxious to show you your full potential.” I love that! I love the idea that I have the ability to create and to fulfill the measure of my creation and I can partner with Divinity to bring it into fruition. I knew all along that my personality was not one that is best found stuck behind a desk.  Uh, anyone who knows me well will say, “Ya think?!” I truly believe that God had a grander design in place and getting the pink slip was the next thread in the tapestry.  I never thought I’d say this, but getting fired was the best thing that has happened to me on my path of finding my “full potential.”

(And the music gets hopeful)

Lead, kindly Light, amid th’encircling gloom, lead Thou me on! The night is dark, and I am far from home; lead Thou me on! Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see the distant scene; one step enough for me.