The Spaces Between

When I moved to Denver, I was asked to give a talk in church about how to keep and maintain a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

It was at a time where my testimony was kind of hanging by a thread and I really had to dig deep to figure out what that really was.

Here is what I had to say about that.

Being new to Denver as of exactly one month ago today, let me take just a few moments to introduce myself. My name, as you know, is Sarah Worlton. I am here because of a work transfer from SLC. I am happiest when I walk thru the door at my Mom's house and I get attacked by a tidal wave of hugs by my nieces and nephews. I have been to Guatemala more times than I have been to Disneyland. I own over 40 scarves, I have auditioned for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir or MOTAB twice and I have stood on top of the tallest building in the world.


We, as members of the church and as human beings, know that life is a time that we are to be tested. Not in the sense where we sit down in a dimly lit testing center with a number two pencil and are tested on the periodic table of elements.. But what is tested throughout our mortal existence and our daily experiences is our faith, our character, our loyalty and our inner resolve to do what is right. This is a time "prepare to meet God."

We are placed daily in situations where these moral characteristics could be compromised or harnessed. Used or abused. We stare choice and decision in the face every day...and to speak frankly, it is whether we like it or not.


These decisions, no matter how small or life-altering are made, I believe, by what we know. Sometimes what we know is like unto a redwood tree. Strong. Tall. Bold. "Steadfast and immovable." Where other times, it is like unto a match. Small. Yielding little light and even less heat and can be blown out at any second.

Any of this sound familiar?

How do we come to what we know to be true? How do we ultimately gain a testimony and have that be the fuel we need to navigate mortality? How can we have that testimony be the governing force behind our decisions when our faith and character are tested?

Just like a muscle being strengthened, it must be used. It has to pass thru stretching, lifting and aching for it to become strong. And if left untouched, un-noticed and un-cared for- the very laws of nature will cause it to become weak.


Like I said before, I auditioned for the MOTAB (twice). Before I would put on a royal blue frock, I would have to endure several rounds of auditions ranging from site singing to music theory. After making it a few rounds in the second go around, I was certain that if I stayed positive, worked hard and if was the Lord's will, I would get in. I knew that this righteous desire I had was so on point with what the Lord wanted me to do. How could it not be?! To be ambassador for the church thru music? It was the next step. I knew it! I studied. I rehearsed as if it were my second full time job. I prayed. I fasted. I got priesthood blessings. I was super positive. I even brought my text book on vacation. I was putting in the time and I was doing my part.

A few weeks later, I got letter in the mail and it started with that gut-wrenching sentence..."Dear Sister Worlton...Unfortunately..." I was cut. How could this be? I did the work. I put my trust in the Lord and knew that he would make up the difference and that THIS was the next step! I was disappointed to say the least and when the next day was October General Conference and the choir's angelic harmonies filled the house, I had to get up and walk away.


My faith was being tested. This was an experience where I knew my testimony was being challenged. I was now faced with another choice. Do I hold fast to what I know and channel my inner Redwood Tree or do I throw up my hands and let this blow out my match? Did I automatically say that God didn't listen to my pleadings and didn't help me? Or did I use this as a chance to "strengthen my muscle" and seek further light and truth even though my muscles at this point sure ached.


I knew from experiences I had before this one that I had a Heavenly Father who knew me and had a plan for my life if I yolked up with him each step of the way. I knew that my prayers were heard and that "all these things shall give thee experience; and shall be for your good." That is what I knew to be true and after this set back I held fast to that. In time, I took this experience and applied what I already knew to be true, and I let the Lord teach me something new. And that was this: Sometime he loves me enough to say, "No." I also gained a testimony that staying positive was a choice and a power. A lesson that made me "sore" but in time, made me a little bit stronger. My testimony was growing because I took time to be taught from the Master Teacher.


At a time when I was reading the scriptures (the book; not on the screen) something unexpected happened. I was reading the verses, one and a time, and I was interested not what I read one verse to the next, but that little white space on the page that was in between each verse. It was the space between each verse that caught my attention. What happened between the bench marks or verses that caused the action to get them to the next verse. I believe that these "spaces between" are what make up our testimonies. These spaces between to get us from one bench mark or life experience to the next is the daily grind. The struggle. The conversations. The people. The work. The choices. The miracles. The highest highs. The lowest lows. Mortality itself is a "space between." It is the space between our pre- earth life and eternity. What we do on this earth does matter. And a loving Heavenly Father is in each moment helping us gain a firm testimony in Him and His Son so that the fuel that governs our choices are centered in their teachings.


There will undoubtedly be times when our faith is tested and the "space between" seems a little shaky. I can speak from personal experience that our mortal weakness sometimes is a little too much to bare and you wonder if you're going to make it. I know that drawing upon those past experiences and seeing the Lords hand break thru the clouds and remembering those lessons is what keeps our testimony alive.


Last Christmas, I had the honor of traveling to Nepal and lead a humanitarian expedition. We were in a remote village where the basic comforts of life did not exist. Being a major travel junkie/ humanitarian nerd, I was in my element. My soul came alive as I worked side-by-side the Nepali natives helping them rebuild a school that was demolished in the earthquake just months before. I bonded with the women in the village as they taught me count to 5 in Nepali while we dug trenches and moved rocks. I also would teach them how to sing, "You are my Sunshine" in English. It was a beautiful cultural exchange. I asked them gingerly if any of their personal homes in the village survived the earthquake. They answered me in broken English with a single word: "Gone." Everything they had was gone. They had to dust themselves off and start again. They had to draw on their inner strength and what they knew to be true to get them from one day to the next. I would draw on that testimony of the Nepali women for what was to happen next to me. Little did I know, that this moment was a space between.


Working at a construction site can be hard/dirty work. There is a lot of digging, mixing and hauling of rocks to prepare the foundation of the school. We got to the point where our next step was to form an assembly line and move a giant pile of rocks from one side to another. I was on top of a dirt mound and needed to jump the 4.5 feet down into the trench. I did so, albeit with a little too much vigor, and landed on an uneven surface of rocks and dirt. I heard a loud popping sound in my knee and landed right smack on my behind. 40 pairs of eyes were fixed on their "fearless leader" and rushed to help. I was lifted out of the trench and carried down to my sleeping quarters down the hill from the work site. I was in probably the most physical pain I have ever been in. I immediately had a million thoughts race thru my mind: "Am I going to have to go home early? How bad is this really? Why on EARTH did this happen here/now? The timing of this could NOT have been worse! You are the leader. They are depending on you to help facilitate and lead this experience. What are you going to do now?!" The reality was I was on the other side of the world, could barely walk and I now had a choice to make.


Though I was pumped full of pain meds- My mind floated back to the MOTAB audition and what testimony I gained from that. "When you are positive you have power." Ok...you know that to be true, so let's kick that in gear and keep moving. The Lord let me remember that experience from before and now, hearing the stories of the Nepali women, I now had the chance to learn something new and to gain a testimony of what I was going through. And that was we are stronger than we think we are and that the Lord will surround us with people to help us in times of trial and pain. If he could help this Nepali village make the most out of what they had, he could do the same for me.


The MOTAB audition and the Great Kathmandu Tumble of 2015 became verses of my testimony and the spaces between was the studying, the struggle, the pain and the tears. Both of those experiences helped me solidify what I know into words. And that can be summed up perfectly in what we read in
Doctrine and Covenants Section 84 verse 88: “And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up."



I know that no matter where we go, and what we do, God is already there. He will send angels to be on our right side and left side to bear us up. Even out of a trench in Nepal. Even after bombing a music theory test. Every time he is there.


Elder Jeffrey R. Holland has said, " In the gospel of Jesus Christ you have help from both sides of the veil, and you must never forget that. When disappointment and discouragement strike--and they will--you remember and never forget that if our eyes could be opened we would see horses and chariots of fire as far as the eye can see riding at reckless speed to come to our protection. They will always be there, these armies of heaven, in defense of Abraham's seed.”


I bear testimony in the Savior that he lives and as a plan for each of his children and the path to get there sometimes is filled with disappointments and pain. I testify that there are silver linings and joy beyond our imagination if we only pay attention to his hand and his love. I know that when we press forward in faith and hold fast to what we know we will be blessed. "He will come and make the blessings flow, far as the curse was found."


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